I wish my penis had an off switch
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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