Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
