no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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