Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
