she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
