I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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