Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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