walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I enjoy the company of your penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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