dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
