do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
