if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
