I am puke
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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