Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
