Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
