last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
