Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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