i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
