i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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