i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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