Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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