I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i out mim tonsoeep
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