He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
