Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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