My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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