How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
