He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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