saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize