Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize