when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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