the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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