Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
