She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Im part way to drunk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
