I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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