I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The maid of honor just puked.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize