Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
