she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
