you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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