Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
