I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
