Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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