Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
