she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
