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I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
