Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
