You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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