Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize