and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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