I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
