I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
