Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
