ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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