bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
