Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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