She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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