shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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