i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
