after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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