You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
