Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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