I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
