last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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