Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
