I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
