I skipped work to stalk him.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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