Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
