It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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